This weekend has been wild already! The Yard Sale was an exhausting success. Friday night, I went to work at Paint The Town while my buddies were working tirelessly as my house to prepare everything (by the working, I mean YOU girls :) I came home to a packed garage and overflowing driveway as seen below.
This morning, our friends were here at 5:30 and the dragging out started. We consumed 4 pots of coffee and got it going! Wrapped it up around 12:30 and packed it up for various charities. Whew! It was a madhouse! Thanks for all your hard work, friends! Look, my house looked like "trade day"....
The boys look like they are working hard, don't they...
I'm kind of mopey tonight. Not only exhausted from lack of sleep, but just trying to process tomorrow. As any "infertile myrtle" knows, Mother's Day is our hardest day of the year. I'm still trying to decide if I want to brave church tomorrow. I love my church, but I'm not sure if my heart can take a sermon referring to motherhood as God's greatest gift. It is a gift, hopefully one that I will one day receive, but it is ONE of God's gifts. Not THE gift. I know that my greatest gift is my salvation. I know that Christ is enough, but it doesn't take the hurt away sometimes.
I want to wish my Mommy a very happy Mother's Day. Mom, I love you so much. Thank you for all you do and I still want to be just like you when I grow up :) I know my Mom will have a tough Mother's Day because we lost my MawMaw several years ago.
I miss her so much. Also, my sweet sister won't be here. I miss you, Jennaboo! Something else that has been weighing on my heart is this: I had a thought last night. My early miscarriage last August, if it would have been a successful pregnancy, could have meant that this would have been my first Mother's Day. It's really hard for me to wrap my mind around that. Am I a mom because I was pregnant for 3 days? Or do you become a mom when you hold your child in your arms? I guess I'll just consider myself a mommy-in-waiting. I may not hold a baby in my arms one day. It may be an adopted toddler :) But, in my heart, I'm a mommy.
I didn't do a very good job acknowledging Infertility Week last week, but others did. Please check out this wonderful video. To all my blogger friends: May you feel a peace that transcends all understanding. You are all in my prayers this weekend and always.
What a beautiful post! Thank you for writing.
ReplyDeleteI also struggled with how to process today and finally decided that we all needed to be celebrated. We are all mothers somehow, and for most of us, it resides in our hearts - and that counts.
Your family sounds incredibly special. (((hugs))) to you!
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteYou asked if you were a Mother...I find the answer in these words.
What Makes a Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard him say,
A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this. God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"
So you see, my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with ME
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother—
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one.
~Jennifer Wasik~hel,
Thinking of you and sending love your way.
xo
My goodness you guys had a LOT of STUFF at your yard sale!! Exciting that it is over with now! I hope your day yesterday went as well as possible...I am glad it is over with for another year. And I am so desperately praying that it will be both of our last times going through that horrible day without a baby in our arms...or at least in our bellies. :) I don't know if it will ever be a happy day though because I will always remember what it felt like as an infertile. That day will always be difficult for so many women that I just can't see being all happy go lucky and not remembering those women who are hurting.
ReplyDeleteRachel - You are more of a mother than many of those women who can easily pop out babies. You know that!!!!! Because you CHOOSE to have a baby - you CHOOSE to love and plan and try ......
ReplyDeleteGod has a plan. We just cannot see all of it, but God has a plan.